A LONELY FRIENDSHIP DAY

It’s the time i realized that friends were really not existing in my life wondering why i am lost & sad????Why am i cursed so bad???? when i see people go8ing out with friends .. i quietly sit & moan my tears roll down without making me realize that i am dreaming of something which i may not deserve or you can even say i didn’t try….. There is something i did when even i had friends , i just waited for them to give me time & now i know their was my mistake…. Now i think i should have even done the  same  calling or taking only when i was  needed … Expecting them to be their when i wanted them was stupidity!!!!. people say friends are the strength of a human being but i never found that strength within me.. i talk to every one&  smile  & may seem carefree .. But wish one could become a friend to my heart not to my look’s or for the money i have….

It was FRIENDSHIP DAY again the day of my grief …..  people wish i wish them back but i guess this is my expectation for the day.. wanting to go out feel free have fun take picture’s treasure them, add memories to life, talk to them, i guess getting this one must be the really lucky or blessed…. I waited all day for my friend to come with a hope of making the day special i got her a blue friendship band, a blue greeting card (as blue was her favorite  color) ,a book that she wanted from a long time…. In my excitement forgot to have lunch waiting for her didn’t even realize i slept on the couch ….. when i got up it was 5:30pm.. still hoped she would show up.. wanted to make the day special for her… but unfortunately now it was 7pm & i knew she wouldn’t come… my grief took over my head now the only thing i could do was cry, cry & cry… The gifts i got were dumped into the wardrobe as  it dose not make me feel guilty of not doing anything for her or not even meeting up… this day meant a lot to me now i guess i would never celebrate it as i was completely shattered &lost… the day spent waiting & ended crying…. If you got friends treasure them give them all the time you can …. Because now you may not feel how much it hurts but when your lonely you will realize it … take care of every friend you have……

  

Why?? Why?? Why??

The time spent with you is gone, now moaning in tears shattered trying to find why you are not around???? Why don’t you talk to Me???? What was my mistake???? Waiting for you on threshold to see you coming , feeling excited when a vehicle stops nearby thinking you came , to hear you listen say ”BABY IM HOME” … waiting all day dreaming this to happen , I end up with my eyes numb , shutting the door really hard , getting back to the dinning table.. imagining you sitting their & praising the food…. Makes me feel so happy & humble, when out from the imagination seeing myself all alone  ..  once where smiles spilled ,love was made.. once where angle’s stayed… now there is only tears, silence & grief… the angle’s found some new place.. leaving  Me lone the way you did… are you happy seeing my tears???? Are you even aware how it feels???? Why this helplessness  ????  why I am all alone ???? tell me the way to find you???? Without you life has no meaning , no relationship seem true ,my world has turned black & blue, the only thing now I want is you!!!!!! Knowing that your not going to come back , my lonely heart feels burnt & disgraced for all the love shown making me think why am I still paying every second???? Why this emptiness ???? why the world seem bad???? Why every one in it seem so untrue???? Why am I loosing hope from love????  is this the way you wanted me to be???? Thinking about all this my day got ended… went to bed & found myself sleeping in a grave???? Once where in your arms sleep was  most desirable … now it seems so painful… all night spent crying.. my morning arises… & again the same routine… I will wait for you till the day you come back .. as same way as I did today

HOLDING MYSELF

Seeing the pain in your eyes as you go away from me we both know its just for a while , holding myself on the threshold of the house watching you with my numb eyes , praying your journey would be safe & sound, asking you the same thing a million times ”BABY WHEN WILL YOU COME BACK” i  see you smile at my restlessness … the only thing you say “I AM NOT GOING AWAY FROM YOU, I WILL BE HERE IN YOUR HEART” makes me smile for a while yet somewhere i know i am going to miss your  presence & even you know it well … you come close to me hold me in your arms , trying to calm me down … convince me  that its  not going to be long , you say you will call me every hour , you say you will take care  of yourself… my heart quietly listens to all the things you say, listing to your heart  i find my self safe, asking myself how will i manage the days without you …???? Then i heard you say “BABY EVEN I AM GOING TO MISS YOU THE SAME WAY” at that time  holding my emotions i let him go .. knowing he would return soon convincing myself  ,i get back to my day as usual it was… trying to do the work but yet see the cell a hundred times as if you would call… as if you would say “HONEY I AM BACK HOME” & i would just jump around.. thinking all these my day passed , as the night reached its peak i quietly stared at the moon trying to see if i could see him, i know it was a little over job yet this is LOVE MY FRIEND no matter what !!!!you just want that person to be around… at last i put myself on the bed it seemed like the BED OF THORN’S .. holding myself thinking of you at last i found a dream full of  you…. 

THE BURNING EMOTIONS

Your absence made me so weak now that even the blowing winds make me burn  ,

The glittering lights, the crowded streets, the unknown smiles make me feel all alone,

The words you used say , the things you used to do everything now seems so untrue,

Lost in finding myself in you , i forgot i even had a heart with all the feelings alike you,

I miss those days when you existed ,those evenings in your arms ,holding hands all along,

The food we used to share, the long rides we used to go, those rainy afternoon’s under a tree,

Watching the rain drops , having an ice-cream, fighting for a chocolate which was all melt,

Bunking the classes roaming around the streets , pretending to be super cool, hot & sexy,

Calling you every half an hour & saying “I LOVE YOU” as if it was not a big deal,

Missing you every moment when you were away & even today “my emotions are burning”,

now its almost a decade when you flew away ,yet i feel so connected to you , even now you,

live in words, my morning  sunrise, in prayer’s, in my days & nights …now the only thing i do,

is wait alive to see you come & give me life……………………

DISTANT LOVE

We are far but so close, we don’t see each other yet know we are safe , miss each other badly, try ways to find each other in everything we do everywhere we go , talk to each other everyday as if we will never be able to talk again hanging the call  is the most hurting thing to do , the words you say seem so true & convincing have started to trust you blindly i know i am  not totally right & even that i am never wrong!!!! I care for you more than  my life & love you more than anyone could think off  , i know all these words seem a little filmy, but what so ever you consider it its all their in my heart, my day starts with your name & your pic in my cell which wakes me up with the most cutest smileJ, the way you call up the same moment i smile as if you were sleeping beside…. The things you say makes my morning filled with smiles JJ ….. the way you always show up when i am sitting lonely lost & tired as you read my heart say ”BABY  I AM ALL ALONE”…  The way you comfort me , the way you make me feel better when i am sick… it all makes me wonder how would it be if you really stayed around … the distance between us now seem so annoying , every second of my life as if praying to you to come along & hold my hand……. Make my life the joyous one where only you & things related to you would matter & nothing more… give my dreams those wings to fly so that they can fly with you , take to me your world where i belong … the world now i am in seems so wrong without you… listen to my heart which every moment says i am waiting for you , you &only you……………..

I AM IN YOU

Lost in your taught imagining your smile my heartbeats is faster than any other time, hearing you say” I love you a lot” makes my world more colorful then it was , feeling your touch makes me blush making my soul believe I am in you,

watching myself sleeping in your arms make my soul believe I am in you..

the morning kisses & the hugs you give make my soul believe I am in you ,

the things I do the place I go see you in my shadow walking along makes my soul believe  I am in you,

when I am hurt & when I cry see you beside me wiping them all makes my soul believe I am in you ,when ever I am lonely sad or depressed  see you make me laugh & forget It all makes my soul believe am in you ..

the happy moments we share , the love that we have makes my soul believe I am In you…

the care you show ,the fights we have gets me even closer to you making my soul believe I am in you….

The only thing that can take us apart is death ,& nothing else this makes my soul believes that I am in you & only you…………………………………….

CALL FROM MY LOVE

 

The night  had reached its peak, thinking of you my day has passed, the cold wind blowing around me gives me a feel of you being around … The little honey dew’s falling from the sky, making my emotions strong & high, the time that i had spent missing you today made me a writer of love & life….. At that moment thinking how would you react….. you gave me a call…. My eyes went bright ,i blushed like a butterfly…. The happiness which was lost could be now seen in my cute smile…… it was like my world came into color from black & white …. Everything seem so sweet & right……  never knew your one call would make me alive…..  like the way sunshine comes after every dark night, like every color of the rainbow filling in my life, like every child’s priceless smile, listing to your voice gets my spirit a new life, my heartbeat goes as fast as a bike, my dreams get wings & they fly high , listening to your voice every time makes me fell like i am on cloud 9….